By Alina Berdichevsky of Alina B Coaching
We all have someone who, at this moment, triggers us. You know, that very person whose mere reference can send a chill through our bones.
Too often, it’s someone who’s extremely close – a family member, colleague, or one time treasured friend, with whom we’re stuck in an exhausting and unproductive standoff.
But what if I told you that, at last, the energy between you could be transformed – without a word, a fight or a drawn out email? What if, through mere access to your own love, the core of your relationship could be reborn as new?
Deep down, the pain means that the relationship needs healing more than anything else, but you’ve run out of strategies that may help… until now.
So, I know the idea that you can change a relationship by yourself alone seems somewhat absurd, but I also know it works thanks to years of experimentation, with the people who have both loved and hurt me the most – my father; lovers, past and current; trusted associates and close friends. It is within the daily flow and dynamics between me and these people that grievances spring up, only to be left unsaid.
Someone does something that casts a layer of doubt over your heart. You don’t express it, you don’t know if you should. The relationship slowly shifts in silence, until suddenly, a wall exists between you. That person is the same, but the lense with which you view them has changed and both parties wind up hurt underneath the weight of shared delusions.
One day, in my own quest to heal old hurts, I listened to a healer say the words: ‘try holding them happy’. That is, picture them in your minds eye exactly as the radiant, reasonable being you once understood them to be. What if they were, once again, in your eyes perfect? What if they were suddenly open, present and considerate to your needs as you have wanted them to be?
Forget your story and the details, this is an exercise that requires only your heart.
So, I started this journey with my father, whom for 20 years I had shared many a fraught word. I had been living far away from home, but was to return to the place that he lives one month from the start date. I was nervous about our reunion. I’d grown and softened so much while away and was not sure how I’d handle the tension that had always been there when we were in close proximity… so many times before.
The energy between you and that person can be transformed, without a word, a fight or a drawn out email. It’s true.
Every day for a month, I would actively ‘hold him happy.’ By this I mean I would see him in my minds eye, watch his harsh edges soften and tired eyes shine with love and gentle understanding. For one whole month, I spent time with the energy of my father every day in this way.
When the day came for us to meet again, I was nervous. But when we did, he greeted me with warmth, kindness and openness. In fact, he was exactly as we had been in my minds eye and the stern man of my memories had vanished. A new playmate was here in my father, one whom I now share silly jokes with daily.
I then tried the ‘hold them happy’ exercise with my lovers who were distant and withdrawn. Within days the love returned, as did their warm attention.
Next I held my quarrelling girlfriends happy, full of love and bliss… and soon competitive tensions were forgotten. When clients and friends came to me in strife about a relationship, I merely explained that they could ‘hold them happy’… and they did, with wonderful results of reconciliation and relationship repair.
And now I invite you, friends to try it too. Just think of someone hard, and ‘hold them happy’ too.
Because the energy between you and that person can be transformed, without a word, a fight or a drawn out email. It’s true.
Believe it, try it… ‘hold someone happy’ today.
Soul Sessions salutes Alina Berdichevsky,
founder of Alina B Coaching
When and where will we meet again?
Tomorrow? Fresh blog soul here (almost) daily ~ A Grand Love Story
October 20? In person at next Soul Session Sydney ~ Life. Love. Music
Any time day or night? Soul Sessions Facebook page